What do you celebrate? What are the behaviors that make you tell your kids “good job”? What are the qualities you admire in others? If you’re leader, what attitudes to do you promote in your leadership? More importantly, in your circle of influence, what are the behaviors and attitudes you’d like to see more of?
Some of my most valuable parenting and leadership lessons were garnered in my 20’s as a Youth Pastor. I know, the Youth Pastor is generally regarded as the “Student Teacher” of the staff at most churches, but hear me out. Here’s two leadership lessons I learned during that time that can be applied to any leadership situation (including parenting):
People will generally rise to the level of your expectations.
If the people you lead trust you, they will generally do their best to meet your expectations. As a Youth Pastor I would occasionally take large groups of students on road trips; camps, conferences, retreats, etc… I had 2 stated expectations of their behavior:
1. “I’m counting on you to be respectful of God, me and your fellow students.”
2. “I’m counting on you to take responsibility for yourself and make wise decisions.”
In 8 years of youth ministry, I can’t recall a time when a student blew me off and did their own thing instead. I appealed to our relationship by “counting on them,” but more importantly, every student felt the weight of having someone they respected relying on their discretion. When given the chance to lead themselves, they inevitably wanted to do it well.
2. People will become what their environment celebrates.
When problems arise, I’m looking to be on the solution side of the issue because dwelling on the mistake or assessing blame doesn’t lead us forward. As a leader it’s not my primary job to call people out for their mistakes, but to call them upward toward something better. I may have an obligation to correct certain behaviors or attitudes, but if the full extent of my leadership is pointing out what’s wrong and executing disciplinary action, then I haven’t offered a better alternative.
One of my favorite things to celebrate as a Youth Pastor was “Grit.” Some students were achievers and we celebrated achievement; but I was always looking for the kid scratched and clawed for a B- in math, not just the kid who cruised their way to straight A’s. One after another, students with low self-assuredness began to rise above their previously accepted norm. We celebrated grit, because I knew that grit would serve them well for a lifetime and I wanted to cultivate more of it.
This is when I decided, I want to be known for what I’m for, not what I’m against. Celebrate your desired behaviors and attitudes in the people you lead when you see them, and you’ll begin to see more of them.
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